| 6 moths till 21 |
[Friday
December 10th, 2010] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
So here I am 20 years old and still surprised that I am alive. I haven't updated this in so long, and I forgot how therapeutic this is. So lets catch you all up quick, graduated HS, went to stony brook for 2 years, I was going to be an orthopedic surgeon specializing in sports medicine, but I found alcohol and partying and I fell in and out of love which was a complete and total distraction. So now you find me here at farmingdale, majoring in business. I've lost some of my closest friends and to be honest it has changed me completely, I'm still not sure if it was for the better or not but it happened and I cant change it so why stress over it. I finally can say I truly found the meaning of love and met the most incredible man I've ever met in my life. He is perfection, he came into my life just when I was about to stop living it. I was just on the verge of giving it all up and taking the easy way out, its easier to just kill yourself then sit here and accept the torture no matter what you do. BUT he came into my life the day after I had finally come to terms with death. He is my guardian angel that I know God put in my life to keep me here. Him and I have had our ups and downs but regardless at the end of the day we love each other and always will. He gave me a fairy tale perfect 6 months and just as I thought we were about to move on to bigger and better things together and make things official he managed to take my heart and shatter it into a million tiny pieces. I never in my life have felt so hurt and betrayed by anyone in my life. I had gone to bat for him numerous times with many of my friends who I have know longer than him and with my family. I would give anything in the world for him. He promised me things as well as made promises to our close mutual friends and said many things that he never followed through with, such as "she's going to be my girlfriend by the end of the month" which was repeated for multiple months and "she's going to be my wife one day" which was a highly intoxicated statement. After he broke my heart he told me that he didn't see his new relationship lasting long and that we can always end up together one day and just filled my empty hole in my chest with false hopes and promises which is what brings me today to the six month mark. He has been dating this new girl for six months, and I have been his single sidekick and best friend ever since. Some people call me naive or stupid or pathetic that I sit here and act like this doesn't bother me when I cry about it every single night. I am trying to be the bigger person because I don't know if I can live without him anymore. In this one year we have become so close, he is my other half and has saved my life. How can you throw that away like it was nothing? People don't understand him and I as well as the two of us do, but they can all see how bad I am hurting when he cant. I guess I need to consider that as well. I may be foolish for sitting here waiting for my second chance but he is so worth it, or so I'd like to think. I cant seem to move on, I have tried, but he always gets upset. I know he is just being protective although my friends call it "jealous" or "controlling". I want to just be with him. I'm selfish and I will admit that. I miss laying in his arms and our long drives and talks all night. I hope he was right when he told me the story about his mom and how she ended up with her husband after then had broken up then reconnected. I also hope that our two good mutual friends are giving me sane and sound advice when they say that they think him and I will end up back together. I just wish I could talk to him about this, we can talk about everything and the second I try to tell him what I feel I cant, I wish I could go back to January when I met him and re-do this the way that would have worked. I could be happy, this will be the death of me. To think to one who once saved my life makes it not worth living anymore. I now have six months left till I am 21, and I will NOT be celebrating my birthday this year. Every year on my birthday/ birthday weekend since I turned 16 something has gone drastically wrong and it gets worse every year, including this year losing the guy who I loved the most. I am afraid to what will only happen next. Were almost into the new year so maybe this will bring some new opportunities and change my perspective on so many things. MAYBE this year SOMETHING will finally go right. I can only pray for the best ... I shall keep you all posted on the new things that arise in my life and how things turn out. Lets cross our fingers and say a prayer!
|
|
|
| it's been a while. |
[Wednesday
January 9th, 2008] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
so, its been a VERRY long time since I updated anything on here and that is probably a good thing. The last time I updated I think was winter 06? wow.I finised 10th grade.I had my sweet sixteen at my house it was nice it had fun the rest of the summer was alrite I fot fucked at the end of the summer for trying to sneak one stupid smirnof ice into cait's backyard.I got a job, I remind myself daily that I love it...no matter how much I cant wait to get out while I am there. I am still incredibly close with cait...not so much L7, we kinda had a falling out; like the spice girls. I remained in dance and became dance captain as well as "Most Improved" and went to competition which was incredible.Junior year was nice, but hard.I managed to fail physics which was not a suprise to many. I lost my grandma, the same day as my physics trip and was not told untill I got home that night, that was hard for me to deal with for a while. I became closer to people I worked with, which was nice, I got to go to alot of other pretty sick parties and got grounded every time HAHAH. Summer before senior year was probably the greatest I had alot of fun and became so much closer with Matt and that was nice. As much as him and I fight we love eachother. I lost touch with nikkii and the whole gunpage group and I regret that all the time, even though I did get to see them alot. I worked alot and didnt get as much time with my friends or doing things I did every summer. When I saw all of the pictures of the summer that I missed out on it killed me. The summer I did take part in was pretty amazing tho, I became closer with the people who I have always been there and learned to love. I opened my heart to my best friend of 17 years, I couldnt call it a relationship if I wanted to because all it was, was a series of bad decissions made consecutivly with the same person. I regret what happened; dont get me wrong I am glad it was him and that is because I grew up with him and have know him forever and I believed he loved me and that he knew me better than I knew myself. What a load of crap that was. Everyone has that one moment where there whole world changed, for better or for worse; that was mine. you figure out which one that was for me. Senior year started shortly after my world collapsed and my heart was destroied. I can't say it is a great as it is rumored to be...well atleast not yet. I hope there is a turning point, when it gets am amazing as it was hyped up to be. This year has been a lot of new things for me. I have been acting like a totaly different person. At times I love it, and the rest of the time it makes me hate myself more than I already do. I have made more mistakes in afew months than I have ever made in 17 years, and I have never questioned who I was this much ever either. This was a hard year for me in love, and in live. I have had multiple family changes too, from losing people who I love to learning to love people. Who I am at this moment is who I am going to learn to love. I have some of the most incredible poeple in my life rite now, and I would not trade them for the world. The people who I have met this year alone have helped me discover me. I'm not sure I wanted to discover me, but hey its a change. I have made a deal with myself, that starting 2008 I am going to enjoy myself, and life, and when I do things...they are for me, and somethig that is going to make a better me. I am going to put everything that has ever hurt me or held me back and throw it all away, and never let it affect me again.
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
February 11th, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 scared |
] |
Why is it that everytime I think that everything is getting a little better it all falls apart infront of me...like a close friend of mine is now going to die of realy bad lung cancer and im realy afraid for him! ♥
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
February 2nd, 2006] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
I havent updated in a realy realy long time...and now i have the flu...so i am home sick all week and it realy sucks! The week before was mid-term week where i only had one mid-term so that was okay...god there is just so much going on in my head rite now that i honestly just dont know where to start so last time i updates was like forever ago and i was with caitlin and i decided i didnt need certain people and problems in my life so i changed afew things...before i would always take everything as it came and let people get to me and hurt me and not like they arent anymore its just that now when people hurt me and it bothers me and just take it was it is and ignore it and just live my life to the fullest i dont need these people fucking up this one life i have to live. Well the hollidays came and went they were very good i saw alot of my family and friends and became close with afew people who were friends and now they are like family, they just have always been there in my life and i hope they always are there. They are just great people and i cant imagine life without them. There was also caitlins sweet sixteen and it was amazing and it was such and incredible night with some of the worlds most incredible people. I loved it she was beautiful and that will always be a memory i hold close to my heart. School started again after the holidays and that sucked and then i got sick and was out for a week and that is nothing to object to. So then i went back and i was extreimly behind and that is the worst part and i hate makeup work. I was still in love with the same 2 people that i have been in love with since august so nothing changed there. Except that both of them probably hate me and wish they didnt know me and at times they only like me so that they can date my friends which kills me to see especial when my friend who knows how much i realy like this person and what this is doing to me but thinking because it is them it is okay...that made me cry acouple of times. Now he still like her and constantly tells me and to be hones i liked his "i hate that im single" reminders a whole lot better. Jana had this realy cute away message today that siad "lets have a coin toss...head's - your mine...tail's-im your's" and i told her how cute i thought i was and she asked if i wanted it and i said no because i realised that weather i get heads or tails he cant be mine. so yeah and the whole fact that valentines day is soon is causing me to be very depresed. Speaking of jana she came to the club with me and like 395724543279578278355693578384 million other people who had an amazing time and we lost eachother alot and they danced in cages and on ledges and have bruses to prove it haha i dont dance in places like that because im not a slut and that is about all i have to say on that lol besides it was an amazing time and yeah ... it was that good. uhmmm oh yeah since this whole update is kinda random anyway uhmmm i didnt make company in november and that hurt and probably was my reason for why i gave up with everything else in life and i am playing lacrosse again this year which im not happy about for some reason nothing feels right anymore and things that used to make me happy just dont. The people that make me happy now make me cry and the people i love are leaving and life has just started to become very confusing and i just realy need the people that used to be there to be here again they were the ones who i could call up crying to and they could help me but now i feel like it just agervates them and i dont want to annoy anyone so i just dont. I've been realy stressed out about my grandma she is in and out of the hospital and everyone thinks she is gunna die and that just isnt what i wanna hear she has spent so much time with me and alot of my favorate memories have been with her and i just dont want anything to happen to her it would kill me I just love her so much. My other grandparent are in florida for like 3 months when i just realy want to hug them and see them. I love them so incredibly much and if anything hapens to my grandma while they are in florida i will realy need my friends to be there for me because if i atleast had my other grandparents there for me i would feel some what whole but with all of them not there im bound to be a mess. So yeah and i refuse to go to the hospital and nursing home anymore because i hate hospitals and seeing my grandma like that in the hospital and i just cant take it and she always gives me a big goodbye speach at the end of when i see her like she isnt guna be alive the next time and i cant take it and I dont want her to see me cry or my family because that is showing them that i am weak and they dont think that of me and I dont want my grandma to see me cry because i dont want her to feel like she is causing my pain. It's just that i love her. I cant help it. My grades arent doing to good and my mom is on my case with those too. I got everything taken care of for the end of the quarter tho so its fine i guess. I am attempting to plan a sweet16 and it just makes me kinda depressed and i dont know why and then i decided i just want the family over the house and that is all i need. My mom wants me to have one tho because she knows it is something that i want but that is the last thing that this family needs and it is at a crazy time anyway...with recital and finaly and everything its just whatever i dont care. Then soon after all of that is the 4th of july and summer program starts so there wont be time for it and it realy doesnt mean that that much. Miss. Ash Cine's sweet sixteen was amazing and it was so much fun! I had alot of fun, and saw alot of people from plainedge boys who i actualy dont mind especialy since i hate most of plainedge. I feel like maybe if i change every thing about me that every thing i am dealing with will just go away. And for now nicole and i have been getting alonge pretty well and things are going alrite with the rest of the girls from bethpage so im pretty happy about that. I havent realy seen any of them in a while and lindsey and nikki had a meeting for their club and me and krista went walking in circles in a store where my mom was shopping and we had a talk it was nice to talk to her for a while we had afew good laughs about old times and 2-wayed vito "the ex" haha and talked to him stoned with friends from work so we had a good laught making fun of him while realising some sad facts at the same time. Then we found some cute boys and that was our night i threatened to kick nikki out of my car because all she does is talk to these random black guys when she is with us like it is an insult being with me for like the 15 minutes she has with me for the week and spending it on the phone with some guy that just wants to fuck her.ughh w.e. i realised i cant changed her and i dont want to because i love her and i just wish she would treat situations differently sometimes. Well things have gone from bad to worse in my life and I am trying to just get by and wake up the next morning with a better outlook on life. And i would like to appoligise to anyone who actualy read all this you probably hate me about now. Sorry. Well i am finaly almost done with this flu friday should be the last day and i mite be allowed out saturday and i'll be back in school on monday oh joy. Sorry again if you just had to read all of my bitching i just needed to get it out it made me feel alittle bit better. ♥
|
|
|
| escapay - hey that kinda sounds like the word escape!.. |
[Saturday
October 22nd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
yo its yola & yolanda!!!
chyeaaaaa boiiii. werdddd sonnnn.
yeah so cait came over after dance
she pimped out my lj for me
then we tried to camwhore-
with my "trust me im a doctor" shirt
but my camera died :( tear
then we hung around & whatever
& decided to put our recital hooker makeup on
yeah me + caitlin + linds = genius ideas
came down for dinner wearing it
scared my whole family.. especially joe
had dinner.. then took it off.. and got ready
went up to petsmart
so me & cait could stalk sam
bc we're obsessed with her!
& linds could stalk rob
bc she's obsessed with him!
obv had mad fun there.. stayed till it closed
then left & went to hollywood video
picked up finding nemo & our goo :)
came home & watched it
while i harrassed sam with caitlins nextel all night
now her mom came to get her
but our moms are like sitting here talking
im sure they'll be there for hours lol
yeah fun times.. bffl! ♥
( just keep swimming.. just keep swimming.. )
drop comments like thy're hawt bitchedssss
♥♥♥♥♥
|
|
|
| yeah mon.. we're jammmmmiiiiiinnn.. <3333333333 |
[Saturday
October 22nd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
NEW LAYOUTTTTTTTTTTTT
(thanks to caitlin)
check it outtt mofos
& drop maddd commentsss
like they're hawwwwttttt =D
chyeaaaaa boiiiiiiii
peace out dawgssssssssss
♥ yola & yolanda the og's!
(aka rey & cait) werdddddd son.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
October 18th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
you know that last entry? well... i think jinxed myself! like after that things were still all good for a while, and then it all fell apart! Caitlin & Sam were still there more then ever! They had become like my two best friends. I just started to hangout with them and i loved it they just made me feel like i oculd be me! I have never done that before! it just felt so good. My mom even made a comment after the weekend with them and said to me...you seem to be more like your self lately, you are just happier now. That was strange to hear. Then i was constantly hearing about nicole & krista and how krista liked this guy named Chad Swallows (haha sucks to have that last name!) and then he asked nicole out and she said no because krista liked him which i find pointless, like my thoughts about this is that if you like a guy and he doesnt like you it is a crush, and you cant change his feelings, and if he asks someone else out you should be happy for them! it is like basic! Then i went to the mall with krista and nicole and sully and katie and we had fun as usual and it was all good...then we met this realy cute guy named dj. i liked him. which was obvious and we were flirting and then he was walking with me to the doors casue we had to go because our ride was there. So he was like walking next to me and krista told me to move over casue she couldnt get a good view of him so i was like okay and then she decided to stand between me and him. Then he was like well i am gunna go to the club in november so i was like kay cool and we left it at the and then he was like what i dont get a hug? so i laughed and then i gave him a hug. So we got in the car and I said to nicoel that i think i like dj so she said it out loud as a joke and krista told me " haha well you better back off, he is my man!" and i was like okay fine w.e.! So... then she told nicole she could have chad. Then i was like all mad and i just went home and tried to forget about it. So we talked about how my mom wasnt gunna be home friday and that we should get together and she said okay then i called her friday after school and she was with krista and i heard her say shhh and krista yell in the backround and i was like okay? and she siad she was gunna chyll with chad and i was like w.e.? and then i foundout the next day at dance that she meet up with dj too! and i was like okay now im mad...cause i like him and krista is confused so if nicole brought chad and meet up with dj then nicole could have chad and krista could have dj...then i was like oaky this realy sucks and then i foundout that sully went too! SO THEY ALL DITCHED ME!
which realy sucks knowing that my "friends" yet alone best friends were the ones i least expected to do that to me! So now im kinda mad and i am not the kind of person to confront people like that so i have just been ignoring her and now i am talking to her but not talking about what happened. Caitlin keeps trying to get me to talk to her but it isnt gunna happen! I WONT! so that is about all the bad things that have gone wrong....no wait i lied...i also hurt my ancle! so now i am probably not gunna be dancing! RAWR! well yeah...so life sucks...but me and caitlin are having a vip party on saturday...the vip's are me her & sam...cause we are just that cool! ROFL! & caitlin thank you so so so so so much for helping me this weekend i love you and you are such an incredible friend! ♥
|
|
|
|
[Monday
October 3rd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
HEYY!!!! well i havent uupdated...well let me re-phrase that...i havent actualy told you anything that is worth knowing since like july! wow that is too long ago...well the remainder of my summer went realy well...i met two incredible guys...who i love and they just make me happy to be around! ♥ well i also become very close with nicoles good friend krista and i love her like a sister now too! Rite now looking at this it is like me nikki krista and lindsey are always gunna be friends! i love them to death! Then there is caitlin...who i must admit is one of the most fun people to be with! Like seriously when we hangout we never stop laughing.Oh yea...there is sam too! i love her! she is my couch buddie! me and her have this thing for getting hurt. haha. Well....yeah so the summer ended on a good note for once, and school sucks and that was kinda predictable...and ummm DANCE! yeah that is back in my life too! i missed it alot and i tried to not get hurt so i could dance and it worked! Well i was happy i could dance but i was put in those damn adult tap & jazz classes...which i realy dont like but w.e. i'll deal i guess, atleast caitlin is student teaching it or id die...and yeah for ballet i have the hottest class ever! and hip-hop is to funny for words...but i will tell you this, I am too white for that class! haha So... what else can i tell you all...hummm...oh yeah i love firemen! ♥ yeah, life pretty good, can't realy complain i have the coolest friends, funniest memories, and craziest life.
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
September 20th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
well...im realy kinda bored because i am dying and didnt go to school and so im gunna re-start my whole little lj thing because there is no change in hell tha i will be capable on updating you what i have done since my last entry! so yeah. well im gunna go sleep again and try to get better. i made a new layout for my myspace so go comment that and if i can figure out how to make layouts on here there will be a new one too! lol ♥
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
July 19th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 happy |
] |
okay well i failed to update for a whole week so here it goes...
Tuesday- okay well i had dance in the morning which was as exciting as usual. The i went to libby lu, to get glitter where the crazy lady working there was probably on an over dose of either caffiene pills ir anti depresants, i couldnt decide but i realy didnt like her much and she had an evil laugh. She scared me enough for the day so i went home and labled all my dance stuff and then i took a nap. When i woke up i had lindsey staring at me and tehn she asked if i wanted to go to adventure land with her and her friends and since all my friends have job or go to camp i was desperate so i said yes. Once we got there my mom bribed me to stay with her using my weakness shoping and starbucks...so i ditched lindsey and her friends i went shoping with my mom and i never got my starbucks but i got a giant green ball which was not better than starbucks but it was a good compromise.
Wendsday- well i slept realy late and once i got up it was bad weather so i couldnt go to the beach which was a disapointment. So i watched movies all day! yay! then i had to get readuy for dance which was amazing cause i got to see this hot girl named caitlin and the rest of the senior company who i love! We played soul train! i had an amazing move which every one was jealous of! then i went home and changed quick and went to donkey with nikki and lindsey and sulley. We met some cool exchange students from madrid, i got them to speak spanish yay!!!! Then my mom came at like 12 so she gave me this lame excuse that i had dance in the morning and had to go to bed asap so she took me home first then sulley and nikki who ended up in my house any way ...
Thursday- LINDSEY'S BIRTHDAY!!!!! well i woke up realy early cause i had dance as usual...then i went to dance and that was the first time for that day since i had to go back that night with full makeup oh goody!
When i got home lindsey and nikki were still passed out on the couches, then i startred to laugh cause i took a picture of tehm and i was realy funny and they woke up! Then we ate bagles and lindsey opened her presents. THen we chylled for a while and what not and we all got dressed then undressed then dressed then undressed cause we are cool like that! lol then i let nicole do my eyebrows and she did a good job! Then she did my makeup! it was pretty until i had to take it off so i could put my hooker makeup on! yay! then nicole told me she realy likes the hooker makeup and wanted me to put it on her and i laughed and left the house. Then i went to dance and that was fun as usual, plus i was with my favorate people. Then i came home and decided i looked good in hooker makeup so i kept it on. Then lindsey wanted a mexican dinner so my mom made her mexican food! oh yay! by this point lindsey's other friend sally was over too. Then we chylled again after the mexican meal and just laughed alot. Then my grandparents had to go soon so we had cake and they let lindsey use a lighter/torch like think, i was jealous!. Then the gp's and sally left and nikki's mom came and they were all chatintg so i disapeared and took a shower cause i kept getting glitter in my eye! so when i got out of the shower i weent in my room in a towel because no one was in there and i was my room then lindsey and nikki came in which was interesting and they were being mean! They werent letting me get my clothes! It is bad enough that they were un buttoning my pants the whole day cause i was wearing those snappy pants that button up the leg! yea bad idea! So i finaly got my clothes and nikki was leaning over mybead and it was a funny ass shot so we took a picture and she didnt notce! dumb her wearing a skirt! it was payback! so once her and her mom left which was realy late i attempted to go to bed. Instead i just lied there and stared at the ceiling cause i was to nervous to sleep.
Friday- So today is the big day! i got up at like 7:30 8 and straightened my hair and then got dressed. Then i went downstairs to find that my mom didnt only get me coffie but she got me a bagle too! it made me happy then i went back updstairs to do my makeup which took like 20 minutes cause im a spaz! after i was done with that i went down stairs and make myself more coffie! Then i went with my mom to get more p[ropel and gas for the car. Then we went to the train station where i saw everyone! yay! Then me and jana took pictures while waiting for us to all go up to the train. Then we fianly went up to the train and me and jana discussed the train tracks haha and how we both had our stools and torches. Her mom was proud of us! Then when we got on the train we were in guawm! Everone was in the back except munchies dad oh goodie! We had some interesting conversations that convinced her mom how stupid we both realy were.
UGHHHH! this is taking forever! i will finish later cause it is a good day and i wanna go to the beach!
|
|
|
|
[Monday
July 11th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lazy |
] |
Well today i had dance...the same old stuff and i had to do "turns" at the bar. It was so stupid especialy since i did them in recital! UGH! well then i took jana home with me and we went ot the beach! woooo! It was alot of fun...we decided to take a walk and we saw like 394385849845295452 hott surfer boys! ♥ lindsey was in heaven! lol. The we tanned and drank propel cause we were cool! yayy! We took another walk the other way too...and we didnt see as many hott surfer boys but we saw an old lady that wasnt wearing a top and a bunch fishing people and i was so waiting to like get hurt lol...and we passed like amillion and two holes and i didnt fall in all of them! only the ones i didnt see! lol. Well then we went to get something to eat at the shack thing and we discovered that they sell mikes hard and carona! oh yea they sell propel too! wooo! Well then we had afew laughs while tanning since i didnt hear cause i was listening to my cd. Lindsey and jana were talking and laughing so when they laughed i did. haha. well we decided we wanted to do ballet moves on the beach so we did! we were doing leaps and torjate's woo! i didnt get hurt! yayy! Caitlin would have been proud. then we went left we went to the showers which i was not capable of lmfao! So once we were in the car everything was all good lol and we took like amillion pictures of such stupid things. Then we were at my house to get jana's bag so we could drive her home, and once we got to her house we discovered a weird street name a drop out school and a cool red car that belongs to one of the many hot cousins that she has. lol! Then i went home and took a shower and went shoping for all my madison square garden makeup! yayy! We went to a store and the kid i used to like's older sister worked there! she was talking with my mom about the budget and abut what am i going to do without sports. So once they finished there little discussion we went home and i was tiered so i decided to watch a movie...it didnt happen i watched girlfriends instead. lol ... well im tiered now so im gunna go pass out since i have dance in the morning.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
July 10th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
well today was kinda lazy to start off then i got a call from my girl nikki! So i went to her house and we went in her pool and her other friend nicole was there too! I love her she is so funny...but today was a bad day with her because she brought up vito...my ex...who i do miss alot and what not.Well then we went for a walk to see if vito was around because he was the only thing at that point that was going to make me feel any better.So we went for a walk to the school around the block cause he normaly plays handdball there. His friends were all there and they all told me he told them i slept with him and i didnt! RAWR! THen we went back to nicoles house because she needed clothes and hse was locked out and went through a window which was funny and then she taught us all how to ge in her house! lol. When we went back to the house Zack was there and did not make the situation any better. UGH! well at least i have come to a decission with the whole dance conflict...i still dont know if it is the rite one but it sounds pretty fair i guess.
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
July 9th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
Today I had my cousin's graduation party! It was so much fun! when i got there just the family was there and like 534572837923847 people who i didnt know who claimed that they were relatives! I met one realy cool person that i am related to! Her name was Lois...she is my mom's cousin and she owns a dance studio in bethpage! She told me that I can dance at her studio for free 6 days a week and take what ever classes i want and also teach her little ones! Now i am thinking about my 5678 and how much in love i am with it there and if i could just take class and teach class at my aunt/cousin or what ever she is to me's studio and take class and be in recital at 5678! UGH!!!! Well she told me i can do point and what not which i realy want but i love 5678 way too much! RAWR! well besides that i chylled with my cousin who i am going to miss soOo much and i dont know what i am going to do with her not here and at college! Well her sister will be a senior next year so after that i will be a mess! Hummm... well i am still a wreck over the whole dance situation but i will probably be crying over that decission later and need to talk to caitlin since she is the only person who tends to make things semi better and make sence of my retarted situations. well im toatly besides myself but i want both and i dont know if i can have both and if not what am i going to do! oh mann! well i cant even think at this poin and i know i have untill september but still! UGH!!!! not in a good mood at all any more! I am realising is that everyone and everything that i have is slowly leaving my controll! I feel like im a mess! Which i probably am! Okay well any way when i was at my cousin's i went in the pool with my other cousin corie who i love she is so crazy! I miss her sister and mom who didnt come and we still up in onianta! I realy wish they were here! Well we had alota laughs today and it is kinda sad how after noet summer we will all never realy get together like this again! Well im going to bagin making my decission...if you have any imput please tell me! I could use the help! Thanks ♥
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
July 9th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
stressed |
] |
okay well i failed to update yesterday so that is what im going to do now! Well i slept till like 12:30//1 ish because i was lacking sleep form the past two weeks so i decided that since i didnt have dance in the morning i would sleep all day! Then once i finaly decided to get up i had to help my mom clean and streightenup because my sister was having her friend sally over! I love her, she is so funny! She is like another sister to me.♥ well then i decided to get dressed so i put on my dance clothes and streightened my hair because for dance we had to have our hair did all like it would be at msg. Then i had some extra time so i watched centerstage again! i love that movie! I watched it in a stradle again! haha and failed to get hurt! yay!!! Then once the movie was over i was watching both oprah and the elen degeneris show. haha. Once that was over i went to dance! I was so happy to see caitlin and nicole and missy again! I missed them soOo much! Well then i went to get my sister and sally at the nail salon with my mom and once we got there my mom decided to get a manicure too! so i had to sit there and wait for all of them because i cant have my nails done for msg! RAWR! but kay the nail person said then after i have msg i can come back and she will do my nails lime green wiht hot pink polkadots! which made me happy! Then once they were all done with there nails we went to Friendlys, which was fun since were are losers we do funny things like stupid convos! We talked about the world! We discussed too much! Well then we went to pickup some movies we got naploian dynamite and Hitch. Then we came home and put on comfortable clothes and we all watched nepolian dynamite which i fully understood and i was sober! yay for rey! Well then we went to bed which i was too lazy to do so i passed out on the floor! haha well i have to go get ready for my cousins graduation party today so i will fill you in on that tonight! ♥
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
July 7th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 dancing! |
] |
BLAH! well day three of dance! ♥ we went over the pump up the volume routine and then i came home at 12 and then i went to the doctor which is always fun especialy since it wasnt for me this time it was for my brother! yayyy! well then we drove around for a while just being like blah...then joe (my brother) had a guitar lesson so we came home and now im bored and we looking fo a good dance away message the only one i found i am going to put at the bottom of this entry but it is too big. haha well if you have a good dance away message leave it in a post! thanks ♥
...you are a dancer when... *dance is life and the rest is just spare time *you sit in a straddle when you're watching tv *your body cracks loud enough to stop social studies class but you don't hear it *people mistake you for a rubber band *pirouette and fouette are the two main words in your vocabulary *you dance down the hallway instead of just walking *wen you're at the mall you hear you're dance song and start dancing *you do tondus while waiting in line *watching TV is not a time to relax, it is a time to stretch *you do grande jetes in the parking lot and down the hallway *you are well coordinated in dance class but trip over your own feet just walking *a new leotard makes your whole day *every hard floor is a place to dance *you walk with your feet turned out without even thinking about i *you use every handrail you see for practing *you actually sit up straight in your chair at school *you actually dream of wearing those heavy, expensive, netting-ridden tutus *you not only dance everyday, but also every night in your dreams *you know more French terms than the kids in the french class *you are stretching for gym and everyone goes, "WHOA!!" *your vocabulary includes bandaids, wedgies, sweat, determination, and guts *you know most barres aren't in jails *all your friends are eating dinner while you are in class *you have the ability to balance your body on five toes, yet cannot bend over to pick the clothes up off the floor of your room *you know the frog isnt an animal, but a stretch *your friends ask you to oversplit "just for fun!" *you have an entire drawer devoted to your dance stuff *Centerstage was the best movie EVER! *everything you do has to do with dance *you suddenly can't count past 8 *you can learn the dances to music videos *Before everything you do you say 5,6,7,8 *You laugh at a non-dancer when they say their feet hurt *you can talk about ballet all day long to people that dont care *you stand en pointe in your shoes when talking to friends *You get disgusted when you see cheerleaders because they never pointe their toes *instead of calling rooms "rooms" you call them "studios" *When you go to get your hair cut you tell them to cut it long enough to be able to put it in a bun *when you refer to half time of a football game as "intermission" *All your friends make fun of you cuz you always either stand in B+ or 5th position *Every song that come on on the radio you know a combo to *You noticed every mistake made on any dance movie or TV show *You have ever fallen asleep in the splits *You have ever said "200 sit-ups no prob."
|
|
|
|
[Thursday
July 7th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
Today was day 2 in dance summer program and I love it! ♥ well after dance i went shopping with my mom and sister for my sisters birthday presents.Once we got home i was like ughh will that was a fun day im going to go strech and watch a movie...but NoOo my sister wanted to go to the club so i went with her to meet up with nikki and nicole! We danced all nite and i danced with a cute white guy that my sister claims is mexican and she said that when i was dancing with him she thought i had gotten over my mexifobia! haha well no i didnt! I thought he was white he looked like a gotti wanna be and he was wearing sunglasses...yes in a club...I dont get it either. Well now my legs are soOo sore and it is late and i have to drag my ass out of bed and go to dance in the morning.
|
|
|
|
[Wednesday
July 6th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
|
|
|
|
[Tuesday
July 5th, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
I think im going to update you on everything! okay! well the last update was on the 3rd so on that night we all chylled and it was cool me and zack kissed ... no i didnt makeout with him. I think after that i totaly decided that i didsnt like him anymore...i have no clue why! Then on the 4th we were still at nikki's and her family came over and we all chylled and went in the pool and to the park...there were fireworks and fire crackers all day, and for 3 hours that night! It was amazing it is like a day in cellebration of alcoholics & piromaniacs! haha my favorate! Well zack and jason came over again and zack was being a gerk! rawr! But on the other hand billy nikki's cousin was amazingly nice and like my bffl! hahaha well hummm what else did i do...... hummm oh yeah well this morning i had dance! This made me very happy since i was missing it so much the first thing i did was lie on the floor and took a deep breath it was such a releif to be back. I did all my splits with my messed up groin. It's okay tho. I'll be fine. We learned the choreography to pump up the volume, because we are proforming at Madison Square Garden with that song. It is going to be amazing! im so excited! Well i think i will go stretch some more so im not completley sore tomorrow. Yeah you know that fun stuff.
|
|
|
|
[Sunday
July 3rd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
in love <3 |
] |
today started out soOo boring...the grandparents came over and then we chylled for like ever! Then i went to nicoles house at 9:30 to chyll with her and Zack <3 and jason. It was a fun nite we had some interesting moments, and i dont know what to thing any more but what ever. Humm i htink i mite still like Zack but i dont know he was like sorta touchy feely and all but he was nice too. Humm we what ever, then they all left and me nikki and lindsey all talked about sleeping... then we chose not to we blew up the airmatress and me and nikki slept together on the queen one while lindsey had one to herself. Me and nikki have pictures of us sleeping together!!!! woooo! Then we were playing games on her cell phone and well all eventualy will passout... peace out hottie! <33
|
|
|
|
[Saturday
July 2nd, 2005] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
well today was interesting nikki slept over so we stayed up till like 3 doing absolutley nothing! wow we are cool! Then we slept in till like 12:30-1ish then we watched lindsey make pancakes and then we ate them. we took an hour to get dressed to do nothing because we had nothing better to do then we all went with my mom to take my puppy to the vet because he is sick. Then we went back to my house and sat around being lazy as usual! We even decided that going food shoping with my mom would be fun... so that is what we did. Then when we got home we thought that my dad was going to barbeque that is why we went food shoping...so we get home and he says that he wants to take every one to phils resturant. So me nikki and lindsey look at each other then decide to go get ready again! We invited nikki's mommy too! We all went to dinner and had fun...and then came home and chylaxed with nikki and her mom till like 12:30 We baked cookies haha and nikki made an x rated cookie hahahaha we also had a funeral for my lime since he was murdered! haha but i have a bag af about 12 so im not that upset. Well i think im going to go to bed now...since i have an interesting week this week. lol
|
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
shawktherapyx's journal